I hear you're interested in our five minute, complete facial makeover procedure, yes? Good! The following is a cosmetic procedure that can be performed completely online in only five minutes and doesn't involve any knives or needles. And unlike other cosmetic procedures, I can guaranty that this procedure will not only make you more beautiful, but it will make you more popular and genuinely happy.
Let me assure you, you are in good hands with me. My name's Dr. Shaun Industry and I've trained at the same illustrious places as such famous physicians as; Dr. Dre, Dr. T and the Women and Dr. Pepper.
Let's get started, shall we? First, we're going to need to get you anesthetized. We need you completely numb and void of any feeling whatsoever. I've developed an online anesthetic procedure just for this purpose. I must warn you, although this process is completely different than being anesthetized in a physical clinic, it is no less dangerous.
I want you to get ready to click your Internet browser's back button within five seconds (remember: stay on the linked page ONLY five minutes at most, any more could cause permanent damage) of clicking the upcoming link. Ready? We'll do this slowly, together. One... Two... Three... Click here.
Are you back? Feeling completely numb, yet mildly nauseated? Don't worry; this too shall pass.
Are you ready for your "face lift"? Yes? Brilliant! Here it comes...
Browsing through the bookstore today, I ran across this little gem:
God, if I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times: take out the trash and stop smoking pot with your friends in the neighbor's basement!
This wonderful tome throws such pearls before swine - or vise-versa, I'm not really sure which - as: "Have you ever had a zit? Well, Jesus probably did, too. He knows what that's like."
Yes, and who could possibly forget that CLASSIC moment when Jesus was caught by Mary and Joseph after he snuck back into the manger of his birth, turned water into Pabst Blue Ribbon and had a keger?
You see? That didn't hurt at all, did it? I bet your feeling the "lift" as we speak. Now, remember, you can perform this procedure an infinite number of times yourself, in the privacy of your own home. And if you need a little help, just bookmark this site, okay?
