Wal-Mart Has It's Finger On The Pulse Of Modern Culture

Forever being known as the bastion of social trends, Wal-Mart.com continues its dominance in judgment of pop culture. Recently, they've released a hot new music called "jazz" stolen mostly from people not allowed to drink from the same fountains at Wal-Mart headquarters in Butf*ck, Arkansas.

Now they've tapped into an even bigger trend: monogrammed flasks. I shit you not. I bring you, my readers, a flask full of what the f*ck. I think it's great! I plan to get a flask to go with my Faded Glory bong. Because, if I've learned nothing from recent manufacturing news - and I haven't! - it's that the Chinese are terrific at making intoxicating substances and paraphernalia. I mean, without them, we wouldn't have the roofie doll which caused pedophiles all over America to rejoice - finally, a practical solution for child molestation!

On a serious note: are you f*cking kidding me with this? An honest to God, grab-the-bible-and-lets-do-the-Charleston-flask? What late stage of alcoholism do you have to be in for a flask to seem like a good idea?

Introducing M-U-P-P-E-T Makeup

Now, you too can look like a skanky plastic doll or a velveteen Janice Joplin with MUPPET Makeup.

On a different track, how sad is it that the Bratz Doll has a more natural skin tone than Xtina?

Reality Show Quote Of The Weak

Nathan, 30, of Top Design Season 2 talking about his bickering teammates Preston and Shazia : "It's like I'm Switzerland and they're two pit bulls."

It's a great thing for him that he works with a visual media.

Britney's Future

Everyone's talking about how Britney's back and, while I must confess that neither of my balls are crystal, I actually believe that I've seen Britney Spears' future (as seen above). Come on, you can't tell me she doesn't look familiar. Plus, her taste in men seems to be about the same as well. It's either Britney's future, or Brooke Hogan's.

I'm Like A Bird

Oh shoot, y'all! This crackhead think she can fly. At least she's so pumped full of tranquilizers that she won't feel anything when she hits the ground.

We all know how this horrible warning ends:

I'll Be Back Shortly

Hey guys,

I have good news - well, potentially good news... I may have found a publisher for my novel, A Million Ways To Be Cruel. Wish me luck!

But, between that and going back to school, I'm busier than a rabbit at an orgy. I'll have some more posts for you later on, but in the meantime here are some bumper stickers I made (yes, I came up with the quotes and created them in Photoshop), so you can slap them up if you have the Bumper Sticker App on Myspace.

Hope you are all enjoying your Thursday!


If you like them, you can get them off my profile.

Gay People

Clay Gaykin, seen cuddling with his new infant, Ricky Martin, Jr., has recently come out to the three people that had no clue. I must say though, he looks stunning with his toned-down red hair and pale pink lipstick. Judging from this photograph, I can only assume the father of his baby is K.D. Lang.

Dear Mr. Aiken,

Thank you for your application. As you can imagine, we at HOMO Corp. receive numerous resumes daily for which we just don't have enough positions available. While your experience and skills are impressive, we believe that we have located candidates that are more suited to our needs at this time. We wish you the best of luck in your sexuality search. We will keep your application on file for a period of one year and inform you should a position become available that matches your background.

Best Wishes,
Sir Elton John