Monday, September 29, 2008

Wal-Mart Has It's Finger On The Pulse Of Modern Culture

Forever being known as the bastion of social trends, continues its dominance in judgment of pop culture. Recently, they've released a hot new music called "jazz" stolen mostly from people not allowed to drink from the same fountains at Wal-Mart headquarters in Butf*ck, Arkansas.

Now they've tapped into an even bigger trend: monogrammed flasks. I shit you not. I bring you, my readers, a flask full of what the f*ck. I think it's great! I plan to get a flask to go with my Faded Glory bong. Because, if I've learned nothing from recent manufacturing news - and I haven't! - it's that the Chinese are terrific at making intoxicating substances and paraphernalia. I mean, without them, we wouldn't have the roofie doll which caused pedophiles all over America to rejoice - finally, a practical solution for child molestation!

On a serious note: are you f*cking kidding me with this? An honest to God, grab-the-bible-and-lets-do-the-Charleston-flask? What late stage of alcoholism do you have to be in for a flask to seem like a good idea?

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