Friday, September 5, 2008

Borg Queen, Cindy McCain Fights Off Alegations Of Humanity/Plastic Surgery Addiction

The painfully slow, stroke-victim pace of Cindy McCain's presenting speech for her husband made even diehard (with prejudice a vengeance) Republicans want to stab her with her lime green stilettos and her appearance at the event has the Internet doing back flips trying to find-out exactly where she and her plastic surgeons went wrong. Seek no more, Internetteers, I have the answer. The fact of the matter is that a team of surgeons worked round the clock to fill the dried-out husk of skin that is McCain's wife with Collagen, Restylane and oxygen so that a campaign associate could pinprick her and allow the air to slowly leak out in the form of what vaguely resembled a speech.

Her face was so tight I'm sure McCain handlers had to coat the roof of her mouth with peanut butter to make it look as if she were actually moving her lips as she spoke. Another uncomfortable moment came as she tried to display emotion while holding a human infant. If she tried to smile any harder, I think her face would have shattered.

Note to John McCain: Don't release the Borg Queen until it's time to enslave humanity.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

very funny ... love the captions in the image ... a good laugh ... thanks

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