Monday, September 8, 2008

Shannen Doherty And Other Dangerous Animals

Hello and welcome to our Hollywood Safari, kids. First up today on our amazing journey is the wild and dangerous Shannen Doherty. This species is known for it's ferocity, so there are a few safety rules you need to keep in mind at all times, should you encounter one in its natural habitat.

1. You musn't look Shannen directly in the eyes; she could mistake this as a sign of aggression.

2. If she should charge at you, beating her chest and removing her footwear, it's best to run and climb a tall tree. Shannen isn't much of a climber and she should exhaust herself waiting for you to come down.

3. Shannen consists solely on a diet of tic tacs, Perrier and vodka - to introduce new, substantial food into her environment could be catastrophic.

4. Should you find yourself face-to-face with a wild Shannen, curl-up into a ball and make small whippering sounds to assure her that you are subserviant.

Next on our list, the exotic and deadly Naomi Campbell. I must remind you all to reliquish your cell phones at this time for this portion of our tour.

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