Who Wants To Buy This Boob's Boobs?

From Craigslist, London:

Title: For the Perverted Bachlor Who Has Everything

Subject: Two fake breasts for sale. Gently loved, pre-fondled. Great way to entertain the kids - start a rousing game of breastball on a summer day! Smash them down on newspaper and distort the faces of your favorite smug columnists; better do it quickly before newspapers become a thing of the past! Maybe you just need an interesting paperweight to amuse all the gents at your office. They can be yours for the bargain price of £1 million ($2 million US).

That's right folks, Jordan (Katie Price) is selling her breast implants for £1 million and generously giving 10% to charity. I guess she had no takers for her kids. Damn Brangelina for capping the market!

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Uhhhmmmm.... Honey, I thought that you left the pole-dancing life behind you when we decided to get married?

I think she needs a little more support for those two massive mammaries. They must sound like a thunder storm when she runs - if she can, indeed, run without loosing her balance.

Worst. Wedding Present. EVER!

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By some odd twist of fate, The Hills star, Audrina Patridge got listed on a site called Good Plastic Surgery. The site praises the stars mammoth mammary mistakes, saying "Audrina Patridge's breasts are enhanced. I would have never guessed. Judging from this photo, she has saline implants over the muscle."

I hope the site, presumably the sister site to Awful Plastic Surgery, was being facetious. Her breast implants are perhaps the worst size, shape, and placement for a 24-year-old woman (who looks like she's about 36) ever. Firstly, as frequent readers of SFP know, a dead giveaway for breast implants is a totally round shape; Magellan could circumnavigate Audrina's new boobs. Secondly, I'm not an expert on breasts - being that the last time I felt one was on a dare several years ago - but I'm pretty sure they shouldn't be pointing in opposite directions. God, in ten years, Audrina's gonna have to move a breast to scratch a knee (standing up, no less).

As the title suggests, the boob has launched a blog. Her no-doubt Noble-Prize-worthy effort so far includes her summer mix list, some stupid tips on "keeping thin" (she seems to have missed the tip about the finger in the back of her throat), and pictures of her closet (we'd like to see HER hanging from a rack). Maybe she can start a blog network with Karl Rove about useless, trite and self-serving crap nobody wants to read.

For more photos of Audrina's oddly-shapped breast implants, you can checkout Zimbio. Be warned, while the photos do have placement over the nips, they're still graphic.

NOTE: If you click the links to Good Plastic Surgery or Awful Plastic Surgery above and get the message that the link "may harm your computer", don't freak-out - this happens anytime the sites are linked to from another place, even Google (happens to me all the time). If you type in the address (which you can easily see is the same as the address I use for the link) in your browser, it will take you to the sites with no problem. This is, most likely, a problem caused by something they use to track where their traffic comes from.

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John McCain May Have A New Couple 'O Boobs To Play With

Since I first ran my speculation post on whether John McCain needs plastic surgery to beat Obama's youthful image, I was bombarded with Googlers wanting to know about Cindy McCain's plastic surgery and I decided to bring the question to our readers here at SFP. The story was so successful, it was all but copied by other, larger websites a week later.

Well, I've noticed another burning question filling up your minds and Google's search banks: Does Cindy McCain have breast implants?

A quick search reveals some of these questions. One Yahoo! Answers user asks, "Does Cindy McCain, wife of presidential candidate John McCain have breast implants?" The answer to this question voted 'best' by Yahoo! Answers users says, "They might be old implants. It looks like she's had some work done on her face. In a society that holds looks with high importance, it wouldn't surprise me if she did."

One commenter on an online biography of Cindy claims to have known her and confirms she has breast implants saying, "I grew up whith [sic] Cindy Hensley McCain. She is truely a rich kid who grew into drug addiction and breast implants."

It's nearly impossible to find old photos of Mrs. McCain on the net and what few I found obstruct her bust (was she self-conscious about it?) From what I have seen, however, her chest does appeared to inflate a bit, but it's an off-again/on-again thing even now - they disappear in some photos and reappear in others. This leads me to believe she's actually wearing a bra to emphasize her breasts (like a push-up bra or water-bra). If she does have breast implants, they must be rather conservative (no pun intended.)

Now, anybody want to make any bets on how long it'll be before another site snatches this story away and gives us no credit?

Is Saline Safe?

Traditional silicone breast implants were banned in 1990's in the US due to safety concerns - if ruptured, or if silicone "bleed" occurred and migrated from the breast area, it could spill into the patient's body and cause siliconosis (toxicity from excess silicone poisons the body and presents the following symptoms: fainting, extreme fatigue, muscle and body aches, fever, rashes, forgetfulness, loss of vision, and any number of other autoimmune and connective-tissue diseases.)

Saline has long been thought the safe solution to silicone breast implants, but some researchers believe that siliconosis is still a possibility. Saline implants are, indeed, filled with saltwater, but that saltwater is encased by a silicone shell. Some doctors believe that the silicone shell may be what causes siliconosis in their case studies.

Take into account Colleen McKenzie's story, as reported by the Memphis Flyer. Colleen was nineteen in 1997 when she had her saline breasts implanted. Three years after implantation, Colleen began experiencing fevers, fatigue, fainting, depression, blurred vision, and aches and pains. Her symptoms were so bad, she had to take a leave of absence from her jobs.

Months of doctors visits followed for McKenzie, but no one could give her a correct diagnosis. One rheumatologist even suggested Colleen's illness was imaginary and suggested that she see a psychologist. It wasn't until she met Dr. Douglas Shanklin, a leader in research linking saline implants to siliconosis, that Colleen was diagnosed with the illness and began treatment for siliconosis.

At 25, Colleen is finally on the road to recovery - it can take several years for a woman with siliconosis to fully recover. She had her implants removed a year ago and has joined Saline Support, an Internet group composed of women who feel they've contracted siliconosis from their saline implants.

Since the FDA's ban of silicone implants in the 90's (the moratorium on traditional silicone implants has been lifted, but only if the patient meets certain requirements, such as being unable to be treated with other types of implants), the large majority of the 32,000 breast augmentations performed per month utilize saline implants. Cohesive silicone gel (gummy bear) implants are also recently FDA approved, but only if the patient has met several conditions (the patient must be at least 22, the doctor and the manufacturer must conduct device tracking for safety and physicians wishing to use the implants must take a device access course before beginning implantations.) Cohesive silicone gel implants differ from traditional silicone implants because of layers of hardened silicone they possess to prevent silicone bleeding.

If you believe you are suffering from siliconosis from saline implants, please see an expert in the field, such as Dr. Shanklin, or contact Saline Support for a referral.

Pamela Anderson's Breasts Are 'At Risk Of Caving In', Claims Plastic Surgeon

Plastic surgeon Alex Karidis claims that Pamela Anderson's surgically enhanced breasts "may be at risk of caving in."

Anderson, 41, has had four breast augmentation surgeries so far; the first was in the eighties and the second was to remove them. The natural look didn't last long, as the blonde beauty had them replaced with larger implants and even had them further enhanced in 2005.

This isn't the first time SFP has reported on the repercussions of poorly planned or executed breast enhancement that is being faced by some female stars - Janet Jackson and Vivica A. Fox both have a build up of scar tissue causing denting in their breasts and Victoria Beckham has chosen implants far too large for her frame which is why the outline of the implant is becoming more evident as her implants age.

Planning about the lifetime of the implants and whether or not they will ever be permanently removed should be discussed with your plastic surgeon, or you may end-up facing the same problems as Janet, Vivica, or Victoria. Worse, you might land in Pam's shoes... According to Dr. Karidis, she's already had too many surgeries on her chest.

"Another boob job won’t help. Cutting away scar tissue from previous jobs will only make their appearance worse long term," says the doctor.