Wednesday, August 6, 2008

You Made Them Strong. We'll Make Them Hot.

Join the Army - they're giving away free breast implants. No time for all that military readiness garbage? No problem, take some liposuction on Uncle Sam.

That's right folks, this is our taxes hard at work, protecting our country from fat thighs and saggy breasts! You and I, and every other America taxpayer, have picked-up the bill on over 500 breast enlargement surgeries. No word on how much fat we've trimmed - actual fat that it is, 'cause the "guvmint" ain't sending back anymore of our money anytime soon. The new, new face of the Army comes to a serviceman or woman near you as an incentive to join. Who needs college when you can get a pair of double D's courtesy of good 'ole Dubya, himself?

Come on, you five-star generals. Breast implants for the Army? That's just ridiculous. Now, breast implants for the Navy would be practical; they could use them as flotation devices. In fact, I think the Navy should make them mandatory. How about Botox for the Marines? Wouldn't our nations enemies run in terror at the sight of our superior "Botox brows"? The Few. The Proud. The Botoxed.


NOTE: Look for this story to appear in two weeks - devoid of all of my considerable wit, of course - on Make Me Heal Steal as "news". Boy, their "writers" are worth every penny of that ten buck salary per article they command.

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