Monday, August 18, 2008

Linkin' On Down The Road

Quotables Of The NOW:

"If you think education is expensive, try ignorance." - Andy McIntyre

Observation Of The NOW:

Oooh, you gone and done did it now! Golem's got his "precious" eighth medal - the one to rule them all! I told Sauron to wait at least thirty minutes before he got in the pool, but he didn't listen. And the Riders of Rohan? Well, didn't they make a debauckle out of water polo? Gandolf the White kept starring at all the guys' packages - they never should have let him be a judge. How is he qualified? All I know is, if he offers to show you a "magic trick" behind the bleachers, don't touch his "wand".

The glorious winner and ruler of us all is reported to say, "Stupid hobbitzes, Golem win the precious. Golem swim like trout. Golem go Disneyland, marry supermodel and spawn tuna with her."

Haha! Well, good luck lording it over the rest of us, you handsome devil!

Linkage Of The NOW:

First Heidi Montag went to Toast dressed as butter and now Audrina Patridge is going somewhere dressed as a used tampon - some women's event, no doubt. Ah, The Hills... When did fashion become a literal reality? (Popsugar)

Britney Spears claims to be sane and does a remarkable acting job. She's only fowled-up by the fact she chose to wear white while eating Cheetos. What sane woman does that, I ask you? (Pink Sheep of the Family)

No Shot At Love with Tila Tequila for a dozen or so brave contestants this year. Now they can also forgo that shot of penicillin. (Gravy and Biscuits)

One of the sexiest men in the world, Pierce Brosnan, is married to this. Hey, anyone know the number to call those two redneck Bigfoot hunters? I think I just found a live one! (Just Jared)

Oooh, juicy! Apparently, according to the Gossip Gods at the New York Post, a summertime movie hunk allegedly broke into his male ex-lover's place and violently raped him - the former paramour was said to be sent to the hospital, but was then paid $500,000 to keep his mouth shut. Is Jason Statham in any movies this summer? I know Vin Diesel is... Hey, he was once a doorman at Tunnel in NYC and he was said to sing show tunes with James St. James loudly outside of many of it. (New York Post)

We all knew it would come to this eventually - Ben Affleck stealing at an airport. Sad. (lolebrity)

I refuse to believe porn could possibly be building false images and beliefs in the perverted viewing public, but Chris Illuminati (IllumiNAUGHTY?) says it's so. Who am I to argue? (This is Illuminati)

George Lucas giving someone an odd, offensive voice in a Star Wars franchise movie? Mesah no belived it, mon! But it seems old George made a hutt character (an uncle to Jabba the Hutt) sound like Truman Capote in Clone Wars. Wow, that man is STILL getting bile back from his gossiping days in New York, huh? (MTV Movies Blog)

I'm wondering if Annabelle Gutman ate the bird after she plucked it for her bra and panties. (Go Fug Yourself)

Rant Of The NOW:

I know a lot of guys don't know the first thing about fashion, but I'm here to school you. This rant isn't so much about the Olympians themselves, but the people pushing the fashion to be as overtly sexual as possible - the designers, sponsors and, of course, NBC. Let me just say this: if I can tell whether or not you're circumcised and you're fully clothed, then your shorts are too tight. Yes, before anyone makes a big deal outta it, I do realize that the Olympics, like all Ancient Greek sporting events, was originally performed by athletes in the nude. This is 2008, people!

Frankly, I don't know how half the guys do it. Allow me to give you TMI and say that I can't even jump rope without a jockstrap if I ever want children to share my DNA. It's a mystery to me.

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