Link It Out

Quotables Of The NOW:

"You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty." - Sasha Guitry

Observations Of The NOW:

You know, not everyone has time for plastic surgery. You might need that momentary tweak before an event or photo shoot... That's why I'm announcing my new product: Play-Doh Instant Nose! Just take the doh out of the can and sculpt the perfect honker. It's that easy!

Back due to the suggestion of our friend, Beej, the Pink Sheep, we're going to do some more Celebrity Gene Analysis to discover the real parentage of our favorite celebrities.

First, let's start with Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen:

Wow, and I thought Davey and Goliath were so wholesome. So... What about Hillary Duff?

Okay, I kinda saw that one coming. Here's a toughie, though: Perez Hilton.


Linkage Of The NOW:

Liza Minnelli is the world's best preserved mummy (Seriously? OMG! WTF?)

MTV sees into the future when Perez Hilton can no longer Crisco-up his ass enough to get out the door, allows him to build studio in his closet. (MTV.com)

I should've payed more attention to the care label on the inside of my BMW Gina. I washed it with hot water and now I have to drive a Prius. (OutNext)

You too can have Obama's face right up next to your junk! (Pink Sheep of the Family)

Thank God the crazy man-raping, dog-cloner (Brenann McKinney) doesn't have enough money to clone herself. Although... Who knew all it took were some chains and chloroform to rape a man? Anyone know the way to Jason Behr's house? (Best Week Ever)

Eva Longoria channels her inner Latina as Gabby on Desperate Housewives. She's a spit-curl and two magic marker eyebrows away from being an official chola. (INF Daily)

Horsey Heidi Montag goes to Toast dressed as butter - who knew she was so witty? Not long ago, she and her jockey... err... boyfriend, Spencer the Pratt, announced that they would be going to Iraq to "support the troops." Can't they being annoying, self-entitled, rich bitches in America? Besides, haven't our servicemen and women been through enough? I'm hoping some enterprising Army "sister" sells her yellow ass into white slavery. (Just Jared)

Thurston Howell III impersonator and stump on Madonna's family tree, Chris Ciccone, went out on a limb and started a blog, which has since been removed from Blogger. You didn't miss much - it sucked "like a watermelon." Chris, "snake" doesn't seem like an appropriate metaphor for your thang. Might I suggest 'inchworm'? (Pink Is The New Blog for original story and exclusive to SFP for reporting it now removed)

PETA: People Enjoying T#ss and Ass? Jenna Jameson takes her clothes off for a cause, not money - now that's news! (Popcrunch)

Did Big Bird lay a egg on Solange Knowles' head? (Ayyyy!)

Kate Hudson gives new meaning to the phrase, "Thunder Cats, Ho" (Gawker)

The affair wasn't spacey bitch, Rielle Hunter's fault - she confused John Edwards with John Edward. (Jossip)

I'd enjoy beating the crap out of Kim Kardashian, but I'd really rather make Tucker Max cry and curl-up in the fetal (feces?) position. (Agent Bedhead)

Miley Cyrus says she cried for a month after breaking-up with Nick Jonas. Oh man, now I actually have a reason not to hate The Jonas Brothers. (Celebitchy)

Rant Of The NOW:

I love Rhianna. I'm so glad that her talent has won out and now she's getting the success she deserves. But can we talk about Disturbia? Rhianna, girl, don't you know you're supposed to save that 'bum-bum-bee-dum' crap for when you don't remember the words to a song?

OH! Am I the only one that giggles at the Cottonelle commercial that says, "the world can be tough on bottoms?" They have no idea!