Monday, August 18, 2008

I'm Calling It, Folks!

I seem to be the only Gawker who has gotten it right, so far - people are guessing everyone from Ed Norton, to Christian Bale, to James McAvoy and James Franco as the first blind item listed. They're so far off. So, I have to share with you, my lovely audience, the one man everyone is overlooking.

In my latest linktastic plastic post, I told you about the rumor going around that a summertime movie hunk is alleged to have broken into his male ex-lover's place and violently raped him, then paid him $500,000 to keep his mouth shut. I speculated on two possibilities. I was more certain of one (Vin Diesel) than the other, because I wasn't sure if Jason Statham had a new movie coming out this summer. Guess what, folks? He does have a new movie: Death Race. I'm calling it! My money's on Jason Statham.

Statham is also the man rumored to have been caught offering oral sex to random men in the back of a Toronto bar by the 'Queen of All Mediocrity' himself, Perez Hilton. Now, normally, I wouldn't trust Porkez, but his track record on this sort of thing is actually really, really good - he outed Neil Patrick Harris and Lance Bass. He also posts a lot of rumors about Prison Break hunk, Wentworth Miller (a chronically single bachelor with no plans to ever date - a woman, at least - or get married because he's "too busy"). FTW? I mean, Stephen King is married and he cranks out a book, what, every two days? Brangelina are together, with five kids no less... I really don't think he's THAT busy, unless you count that business he's doing with other guys.


Beej the Pink Sheep said...

The stuff about Wentworth Miller, Steven King, and Brangelina made me laugh out loud!
Love it!

Shaun Industry said...

Thanks, Beej!

*curtsy* :)

Jessica P. Wallin said...

I had read that blind item earlier and didn't know who it would be, if it was anyone at all. My thought was Bale, because he just seems really weird and violent, and I could totally see him raping someone and then telling them they had to STFU about it. That other guy I don't really know so much. I just know he always winds up in action movies that look totally stupid to me. So, how sure on this are you? Maybe we should test this theory and set you up as bait!

Shaun Industry said...

No, I don't wanna be bait! I think Statham likes the muscle bear type anyway.

But, nope, it's not Bale - sure he's spooky and psycho acting, but he's straight. I have my ear pretty much tuned to the gay gossip networks (on web and off) and there's never been any rumors of him being gay. Not even any hopeful rumors, though I'm sure some people want to bed him.

I'm 100% sure it's Statham. In fact, in addition to the Toronto rumors, I've heard that gossip bloggers like Perez only post about his dating women as tongue-in-cheek jokes. Plus, I've heard he has a horrible temper and the Brits (yes, I know Bale's a Brit too, but he's probably violating women) are into the rough sex - just look at what Lee Chapman supposedly did to Leslie Ash!

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